Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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