If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
