I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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