puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just want nice things and good sex
My penis needs a shock collar
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
