My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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