is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
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