I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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