when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
