The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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