went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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