There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
