she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
