That's when you crack a 10am beer
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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