Don't you send me to vm
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
