Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
