Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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