Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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