Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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