WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
