so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
