If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
