It's Friday. Sex?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
