just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
