WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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