I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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