i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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