Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
