On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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