Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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