Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
