tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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