he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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