the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
She said her name was "party"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
