I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I have fence marks all over my body
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
