Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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