if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
They are going to name an STD after you.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize