i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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