dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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