I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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