All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
