He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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