Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
where are my eyebrows?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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