He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
