i jhust puked up my retainher.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
