It's Friday. Sex?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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