fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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