What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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