ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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