Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
