I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
