My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
