And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
