I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
