JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
