I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize