My sheets look like a crime scene.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
