It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
