I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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