I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
