I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
