I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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