i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize