i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
COCAINE IS GR8
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
