No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Even my vagina gasped.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
