no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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