so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
