i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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