This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
