Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
