cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
