do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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