and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
